Here we pay homage to the lines and comments every musician has heard over the years.  Feel free to contribute to this list as we continue to grow our Rockapedia library (but, please, try to keep it respectable).

• We don’t need a contract to play there.
• No problem. He’s a dependable booking agent.
• Sure, they always honor your contract at that club.
• (at practice or 5 minutes before showtime) I forgot my pick.
• (at practice or 5 minutes before showtime) Can I borrow a pick?
• (at practice or 5 minutes before showtime) My string broke. Can I borrow one of your spares?
• (at practice or 5 minutes before showtime) Why should I go buy a string when I can always borrow one from you? If you don’t loan me a string, I can’t use my guitar.
• (at practice or 5 minutes before showtime) My guitar cord broke. Who’s got an extra?
• My girlfriend won’t let me practice tonight.
• I forgot.
  
• (on the phone) What do you mean you forgot we had a gig tonight? Where the hell are you?
• (on the phone) What do you mean you forgot we had a gig tonight? What??!! Your girlfriend won’t let you cancel your date??!!
• (on the phone) Can somebody come and pick me up? I loaned my car to a friend and I don’t know where he is.
• Sorry I’m late. (repeated 10,000 times over the lifetime of the band)
• Where the hell is he??!! We start in 5 minutes!
• That chick singer is still in the bathroom and we start in 2 minutes!!
• That chick singer is still talking with her boyfriend and we start in 2 minutes!!
• Sorry, I thought the gig started at 9:30, not 9:00.
• My wife/girlfriend wants me to quit the band.
• My wife/girlfriend says I’m spending too much time with the band.
• They gave us free drinks the last time we played here!?
• Nobody told us this was a formal dance!
• Sorry we’re late. The van broke down.
• I just tuned up, so it’s gotta be you.
• Who’s feeding back? It’s not me!
• I can’t hear myself in the monitor.
• You’re playing too loud.
• You’re not turning up loud enough.
• Nobody can hear my solos because you guys keep turning up your volume.
• We can’t hear the drums.
• What do you mean the club sent the whole check to the booking agent??!!
• Not again! I’m sick of that song.
• I’m burning out on practicing this song. Let’s go on to something else.
• Oops. I forgot my bass.
• You want how many slow songs each set???
• You’re a disco club?? We were told you were a metal club.
• (club owner) Start exactly at 9:15. Play ‘till 10:05, then take a 15 minute break. Play 10 minutes, then announce half-price coladas. Play 40 more minutes, then announce the club schedule for the next four weeks and take a 20 minute break. Play 35 minutes, then announce the wet t-shirt contest and fashion show on Tuesdays. Play 10 minutes, then announce the start of the legs contest and take a 15 minute break. Play 15 minutes, then give away a pitcher of beer. Play 30 minutes and stop. Allow for one encore. Any screw ups on tonight’s schedule and I’ll dock half your week’s pay, understand?
• You let us have a free guest list last time we played here!?
• You tried to hit on her? You moron! That’s the club owner’s girlfriend.
• You tried to hit on her? You moron! That’s the bouncer’s girlfriend.
• Who’s the idiot that spilled beer on my B3??!!
• It’s a cowboy club, but don’t worry. Just play your heavy stuff like Hank Williams Sr. would.
• Point your speaker cabinet at the wall; you’re drowning the band out.
• Point your speaker cabinet at the wall; I can’t hear myself play.
• What do you mean there’s only one outlet in the hall??!! And it’s only 15 amps??!!
• You’re playing on a concrete floor tonight and all the outlets are two prong only.
• Can you play “Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog”?
• Free Bird, Free Bird.
• It sounds different out front than on stage.
• Where's the duct tape?
• She said she was 18!
• The bar didn't smell this bad when we were playing last night.